HER HAPPYHOUR was not created to be a blog, but a solution to a very specific problem: confidence. We identify as a career and lifestyle blog, because success in work and in life is often interdependent. At 22, I've seen the success and failures of my friends and myself through our "growing up" time. It's clear to me that one of the most impactful variables was always self-confidence.
THE GENDER CONFIDENCE GAP
The "Gender Confidence Gap" was coined to describe the data showing that women feel significantly less confident than men until their mid-forties. Our workplaces are focused around a company structure, but there is also an underlying social structure. The same goes for clubs, groups, sports team, or any other activities you do. When you look at work social structures, that is where you can start seeing the effects of the gender confidence gap.
My senior year of college, all of us were trying to find jobs. My girl friends would look at a job role, look at the "requirements" section see that they only qualified for 4/5 things the company asked for, and think they weren't qualified enough to apply. My male friends would look at something similar that and thought, "Perfect!" I qualify for at least 3/5 things and apply. In the end, some of my guy friends got those jobs.
For myself and my girlfriends starting our careers, I see the lack of confidence manifest into things like imposer syndrome. Which makes you feel that you are not good enough for your job, and might cause you pass on opportunities. See my last article about the first six months of post-grad were like for my friends and I.
"LIKE A GIRL"
I was lucky, most of the messages I heard growing up was that I had the same skills and chance to succeed as any of my male counterparts.
However, that was related to my "work". The social messaging I heard about how I should act, look, or what I should care about as a girl was quite different. I took cues from my family, classmates(now co-workers), the media, and other social influences to determine how I should act or what I should do.
There is a video I saw, where the director asked young women (early twenties) what it looks like to run like a girl. They skip along and say something about how they don't want to mess up their hair. Then the director ask little girls what it means to run like a girl, and one girl said "It means run as fast as you can". They play back the girls videos to the older women, and the director asks "If I ask you to run like a girl now would you do it differently?" and the women responds "Yes, I would run like myself."
Real Wold Example: I was a marketing major and economics minor. In business schools, Marketing has the reputation of being the "girl" major and something like economics/finance is the "boy" major. I remember sitting in classes for both-- and it was absolutely true. My marketing classes were mostly women, many of whom were going down the digital marketing or social media path. I walked into some of my econ classes and I instantly felt like the odd girl out. Gender had no bearing on success in these classes, but it did impact some people to take the class in the first place. (Some extra reading on this subject).
FIND YOUR #WCW
I joined my co-ed professional business fraternity as a freshman, which was filled with highly successful people that I really respected. When I joined I remember thinking that there was no way I could be President. Fast forward to my senior year, I was the first women president in 5 presidents. When I was on the fence for running (still was thinking I wasn't good enough), I remembered this small nagging in the back of my mind that I wasn't right for the role. I later realized, I think it was partly because I typically associated the position with a man.
When my girl friends and I see successful women we start fangirling. I always think: she did it. Whenever I feel like I can't do something I always listen to Sara Blakely's story of how she founded Spanx and it helps push some of my self doubt away (will def blog about her later).
BUILDING EVERYDAY CONFIDENCE
The simple definition of confidence is that you are assured in yourself. As my HH co-blogger Cierra put it: "Confidence comes from competence." I used to be really critical of "lifestyle" articles or topics, because I thought they were just fluff and a waste of time. When read lifestyle articles now, and when I'm writing then for HH, I've really come to appreciate that their purpose to help people feel better about themselves. When you feel assured about different aspects of your life you feel confident.
I keep a list of things that make me feel less confident in myself and my abilities, and then I write down things I'm doing to not feel that way. Here are the top three things on my list right now:
- Not Feeling Strong/Healthy- I make it a priority to go to the gym now everyday even if it's just for 20min, and have been choosing salads over pizza...most of the time...
- My Finances- I always want to feel in control of my finances and financial future (Check out Cierra's budget article--amazing)
- Knowledge Gap-I want to have enough knowledge to be a part of the conversations that are important and engage with ideas i'm passionate about. I've started reading The Skimm every morning for a quick overview of the world before I start my day. I also always watch the news, webinars, or talks when I'm working out.
The hardest part about Self-Confidence? It's a choice you have to make for yourself-- but you're awesome so it's okay.
CHEERS,
Kelly
Love this❤️